Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
