M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
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We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
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you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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