Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I stole a fireplace last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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