Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
