in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
