I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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