I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
