Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
