I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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