my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
