I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
