Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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