You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
