it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
