So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
