hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Found the puke drawer
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
