this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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