Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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