well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
