If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
