I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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