make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
