i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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