try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
