He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
