Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
