HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
