i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
