I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
