your room smells of hookers.
And success
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
