I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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