There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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