I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
