and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
