But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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