Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
