he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
