ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
