You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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