I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
