i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
