she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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