too bad you live with your parents still
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
