Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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