I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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