do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
