Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She announced her abortion via fbk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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