i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
