4 words: hood of his car
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
