The maid of honor just puked.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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