Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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