A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
