Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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