problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
