There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
