Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
