You're so nebulous sometimes
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
