I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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