She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
