Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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