oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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