Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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