GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
