I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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