My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
