last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
