No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
