I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
