I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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