How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
