she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
