I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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