do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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