I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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