Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize