So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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