No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
