im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
not ubering you a puppy
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
