i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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