I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
