i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
